Amy's Book of Saints

St. Tarasius: Patriarch of Constantinople.

“Evr'y gal in Constantinople
Is a Miss-stanbul, not Constantinople
So if you've a date in Constantinople
She'll be waiting in Istanbul!”

No?

St. George. Killed a dragon. Officially the bomb diggity.

St. Polycarp. Coolest name for a saint ever. I just hope he didn’t smell like fish.

St. Collette. Virgin. Maintained complete silence for three years. After communion would be rapt in ecstasy for several hours. Lambs and doves would gather round her.

Anyone that can maintain complete silence for three years has got to be pretty amazing. I can barely do it for 30 minutes. Ask my coworkers.

Doves kinda scary me though. I’ll pass.

I’ll admit, I’m not exactly the expert on saints in the Catholic Church. So when some of these dating websites asked me to pick a favorite I replied with a speedy, “Uhhhhh…”

My old boss at Marquette can attest to this. When assigned the daunting task of gathering icons for an Evening of Sung Prayer I not only had to look up what an icon was, but then also try and figure out where the heck a college student could find such a thing.

I did the one thing any crafty college female would do. I consulted the good book, tore out some pictures of those I would classify as saints, pasted them onto some construction paper, grabbed some glue and glitter, and gave them halos.

Needless to say she was less than pleased when presented with St. Dimples and St. Boxer Briefs from my latest issue of Cosmo. Luckily, Mary, Jesus and Joseph were at the ready in case my homemade icons got a big ol' veto.

Picking a favorite saint is kind of like picking a favorite martini. It's not going to make or break you, but it certainly is a window into your personality. Which leaves me plenty of opportunities to find out just what makes some of these guys tick...

St. John the Baptist.

Didn’t he eat locusts? Move along please.

St. Rose of Lima.

Okay, rumor has it this was one relatively hot (as in gorgeous, not as in had problems controlling her core temperature) saint. I won’t fault you for enjoying beauty.

St. Nicholas.

So you like to get presents. You’re greedy. Into one of the seven deadly sins. I don’t think so. (Unless of course you like to give gifts, in which case, care to meet for mass sometime?)

St. Thomas More.

Patron saint of politicians. So would you consider lying a pastime or an occupation?

St. Ignatius of Loyola.

Well. As a Marquette grad, that may just be a man after my own heart. You can’t go wrong with the man who founded the Jesuits.