Wanted: Young, Single, & a Criminal

I may be wanted in all 50 states. Please don't turn me in to the authorities. That would be an embarassing shootout at the Cousins Center.

I committed an act of kidnapping Friday. The Amber Alerts were blaring between the hours of 5:30 and midnight.

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS WOMAN?!

Why yes. Yes I have. That's my good friend Beth. She was a victim of Amy's young, single and Catholic shenanigans Friday night. Because any good Catholic would hit up a fish fry before a $1 drink party of course.

The plot was simple. Subject my soon to be married friend to an Amy night in heaven. Fish fry. Bar. Pizza Shuttle for mozzarella sticks.

*Sigh of happiness*

While the online Catholic dating market isn't too hot in Milwaukee in my experience, things to do on the weekend are plentiful. Even if you have to rent your date from her fiancee for the night.

6:00 p.m. I am in fish fry heaven. Serb Hall. There are places that actually exist where you have to make reservations just to eat some deep fried fish sticks AND they have a drive thru complete with McDonald's-esque menu? If I died right now, I would be completely satisfied.

7:12 p.m. High on tartar sauce, Beth's fiancee Andy calls to check in. Greeted with giggles he wanted to know how many we'd had.

Pieces of fish? 2
Drinks? 0. But we've got our singles ready.

Nothing compares to being high on the Holy Spirit. (Which means yes, I completely credit the Holy Spirit with the creation of fish fries. They're too good not to have at least a part of the Trinity involved with it).

7:52 p.m. Tequila Sunrise #1 at Buckhead Saloon on Old World Third Street. I still don't understand why, if Jesus could turn water into wine, he didn't just go straight for the gold and make tequila.

9:02 p.m. Only when you're a Marquette grad do you have drinks with the guy that used to be the sacristan at the masses you played piano at.

10:33 p.m. I don't know his name. I can't remember his face because he was so mysterious he wouldn't let us take a picture of him. But I know his dance moves. And so does Beth. No worries. We left plenty of room for the Holy Spirit.

12:01 a.m. You know it's a good night if you go out on a Friday night in Lent and by the time you're sneaking in your post-bar munchie stop you can actually eat a cheeseburger.