Who is your daddy and what does he do?

I’m a journalist.

That makes me poor. Sometimes really poor.

But I am NOT looking for a sugar daddy.

I already have a daddy and I love him very much. I don’t need another one. If I feel I need more fatherly advice than I already get from my father (Who can forget the “How to Properly Defrost and Brush Snow Off Your Car” email of 2007) my brothers and brothers-in-law can fill in just fine.

There seems to be a lot of over-40 men (I don’t do 20 years older than me. I don’t think I even do 10 years older than me) on the online dating market that beg to differ. Apparently my smile is beckoning them to date a woman over half their age.

Unless my smile has some sort of ulterior motives that it’s keeping from me, that’s not what these pearly whites had in mind. They just glimmer so brightly because they’re happy my budget finally had room for that electric toothbrush.

Therefore to set the record straight, unless your name is one of the following, thank you, I’m flattered, but no thank you.


-- George Clooney
-- Brad Pitt
-- Some guy named Peter that I met in New York who proceeded to buy me several drinks.
-- Pierce Brosnan
-- Colin Firth
-- Hugh Grant
-- Johnny Depp

The list goes on but likely you are not included. Please don’t cry. It’s nothing personal. I’m just not that into you. Or rather, just not that into the fact that you’re closer to receiving Social Security than you are to me in age.

I’ve heard chocolate ice cream helps. And maybe “The Notebook” if you’re really that broken up about it.