and the panic has set in

One of my best friends from high school was so nervous the day of her driver's test that she puked.

Perhaps if I too had been that nervous I wouldn't have failed the first time.

I can honestly say I've never been nervous enough for anything in my entire life that I've puked. Not job interviews or heart surgery or concerts or asking boys out (hyperventilating is a different story) or even back in the day when I was in speech (forensics, whatever you want to call it) and it got down to the really important meets.

Today is a meet of a different kind. And I'm officially terrified.

I've tried to write stories and make phone calls and do interviews and even plop a few fish fries into the calendar for next week and all I can think of is....

SWEET MOTHER IN HEAVEN WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?

Not in a bad way oddly enough, just in a....ummm....this is kind of a big step you're making here....especially for the girl who has never had a straight man buy her dinner.

Well. Never in a romantic sense. At least not that I was aware of.

All day long I've been fine fine fine, fielding the many calls and emails and ims and facebook messages from well wishers (thank you by the way you are all amazing). I even talked to one of my friends that I haven't connected with in months (maybe even years) who is becoming a cloistered nun and has promised to pray for Seth and I this weekend.

So God's on our side. Everything should be fine.

But why oh why do I feel like I'm going to fall over?