I'll take Husband #5992 please

Catholic boys, in the spirit of the movie Old School, put on your earmuffs. I have something I'm about to say that you may not like.

When it comes to these eHarmony boys, you ain't got nothin' on 'em. They come directly from the Hot Husband potential catalog.

Now before you start throwing your hymnals at me, hold up. I understand. I know the following cliches you're going to use to defend your argument that you too, in fact, are adorable and Hot Husband material.

Don't judge a book by its cover.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
It's not on the outside what counts, it's what's inside that matters most.

That's all good and fine and dandy. I agree. I completely and totally agree. But in my mere couple days on eHarmony, I can't ignore the fact that 80% of the matches I've received are guys that I would actually check out in line at the local Piggly Wiggly. The type of guys, who, if life was simple and single girls could just get their monthly copy of "Magazine of Available Men for Marriage and Babies," you'd earmark the page they were on and consider purchasing a lifetime subscription to Husband #5992.

You know, a hunk. What David Hasselhoff used to be. (And since I've taken up turning on random Baywatch reruns at night, have decided he in fact is not).

And you can't deny the fact that you need at least a little bit of hunkiness in a relationship if you plan on making it work.

I don't know why it is that the eHarmony boys are that much more attractive than my matches on the Catholic dating sites. You would think that all the holy water we Catholics use would add some sort of glowy adorable shine to our guys. But nope. Not so much.

Perhaps we need to use some more incense. Open up the pores or something.