Pick up, clean up, everybody do your share!

I've got 95 matches at eHarmony staring back at me.

For 7:52 a.m., this is all too daunting of a concept to wrap around my still sleeping head.

But I can't just let them sit there. It's time for the ultimate discernment.

The Pick Up Clean Up of my eHarmony account. The "She's Just Not That Into You" of 2008. The Grand Central Rejection Station.

Buckle in...cause here we go...

Ahh...Suitor #1 has a picture with his nieces and nephews. Keep him. Suitor #3 is a kindergarten teacher? I don't think it is humanly possible to reject anyone that is an elementary school teacher. Who does that? Suitor #7 a stock analyst? What poor single journalist in her right mind would reject a stock analyst?!

So far no good. Apparently I'm not so good at this rejection thing. I don't want to be the person that sends the "Dear John" letter. What if I screw up? What if I send the Dear John letter to my soulmate?

What if God just laughs then and says, "Well. Sucks to be you. Don't come complaining to me when you're 50 and eating peanut butter straight out of the jar with your cats. I sent him to you. You rejected him."

* Exasperated sigh *

Oy. This is just a little too overwhelming.

Ok. Come on Amy. Man up. Let's take a look at suitor #47.

Hmm. He's Buddhist. For some reason I don't think that'll work out well in my dreams of a traditional Catholic wedding mass.

*Reject*

Uh-oh. I have to give a reason for my rejection.

"I think the physical distance between us is too great." Well. He lives in Milwaukee. That won't work.

"I have too much happening in my life at the moment." If that's not a line I don't know what is.

"I'd rather not say." Well that's just mean.

"Other." That seems reasonable enough. Check!

Suitor #12:

Most thankful for and cannot live without his cats?

I think it's the plurality of that statement which bothers me the most. *Reject*

Suitor #25:

Looks too much like the kid that used to live across the street from me. Not that that's a bad thing. Just too weird. *Reject*

Suitor #77:

Uhoh. Ladies and gentleman we have a fake baker. If there's anything I can't handle it's a fake baker. I've been there, done that, as my prom picture from senior year can attest to.

Yes I did wear a white dress to my senior prom, hence the obscene hours I spent in a tanning bed when I was supposed to be doing my independent study journalism class.

(For the record nothing freaks out your ex-boyfriend more than showing up as his date in what could double as a wedding gown. Awkward).


Anyway, I really don't think anyone should be putting their manbits in what essentially is a deep roaster.

*Reject*