Wooing 001: Say it, don't spray it

There are some things in life I can't do.

Calculus. Ice skating. Watching a Marquette basketball game without swearing like a sailor. Going more than a day without talking to my parents.

And going on a date.

Which is kind of unfortunate. Especially considering that I have one tomorrow night.

I know that with most of these activities practice and a little discipline makes perfect. Not so in the realm of men. One flash of dimples or a set of blue eyes (or green or brown or whatever shade you've got) and I forget that I'm a human being capable of speech and communication past drooling.

Henceforth my enrollment in The LES School of how to snag a man as fine as Ariel's Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid.

Or LESSHSMFAPELM for short. :)

Here is the headmaster, Lauren, keeper of all relationship advice that she handily keeps in a seashell around her neck. We are at the mecca of all things relationships, Carrie Bradshaw's stoop, trying to soak in even more relationship wisdom, to further the LESSHSMFAPELM course catalog and help me in moments just like Friday, March 28, in the year of our Lord 2008 at approximately 5:10 p.m. central standard time.

I am confident that my successful completion of courses at LESSHSMFAPELM will aid me in whatever direction this relationship decides to take.

Wooing 101: Foot In Your Mouth? Doesn't have to be that way: How to properly walk and talk at the SAME TIME

Wooing 105: Minimizing the tomato factor: How to interact with a boy without turning beet red

Wooing 107: Is that a rosary in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Successfully mastering the art of hair flipping/eyelash batting to catch the man of your dreams

Wooing 110: How to keep your wits about and stay witty!

Courting 210: Do these polka dots make my hips look like they could bear the entire Von Trapp family? How to properly accept compliments from a member of the male species

Courting 220: The weather, the Packers, Britney Spears: Good topics for small talk

Courting 242: Hey! You've got broccoli in your teeth!: How to eat in the presence of men

Proper Introductions 301: "Mom, this is my...umm.." How to properly introduce the boy you like/are seeing to others

Girlfriendcy 415: Sniff, Sniff: How Body Functions and Odors can Impact your Relationship and why you should keep air freshener stocked at ALL times

Goodbye 875: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do: Why NOT to do it via post-it note.



Now if you'll please excuse me, I need to review the material from Courting 242.