Finding the order of things

First comes love.

Then comes marriage.

Then comes a baby in a baby carriage. (Or 2 or 3 or 12. Whatever floats your boat). 

That much I get. Really. I do. You can ask my jump roping partners from first grade.

My best friend from high school Em and I got in a discussion Sunday afternoon about relationships. Not about the "proper order" of things, but rather, the proper timeline of things. How we should figure things into our iPhones and Blackberrys when it comes to our romantic relationships.

How many weeks should you wait before you officially call yourselves a couple? How many dates should you go on before you change your relationship status on Facebook or MySpace? How many months, weeks or days should you wait until you introduce them to your friends? Your family? How long do you have to date before he puts that ring on your finger?

Or worse. How many years do you give him to put that ring on your finger before you pack up and move on? 

While being single a long time prior to Seth gave me a lot of free time-- for walks by the lake, too many drinks at Buckhead and hours spent shriveling up in bubble baths, it also gave me a lot of thinking time to set a timeline on what I viewed as the perfect relationship.

About a year and a half to two years of dating seemed about right before the bling came. The last thing I'd want to be is one of those girls forever stuck in a relationship with Destination: Nowhere stamped on the luggage tag. Maybe two weeks of dates before we achieved couple status. Three months before I introduced him to the parents. Definitely a year long engagement to plan a decent wedding.

Ugh. My plan, my plan, my plan. When it comes to running errands and planning out my week, My Plan definitely comes in handy. But when it comes to life who needs such restrictions?

After rehashing our own relationships and others, Em and I came to one conclusion: it's ridiculous to put a timeline on a relationship. While yes, it may seem sensible to protect your heart, sticking so rigidly to some ideal when your emotions tell you differently is crazy. We know couples that got married after a month of dating and are still together 10, 50 years later. Other couples that went through the rigmarole of doing things by the relationship book that didn't last five years past their wedding day.

So what's the point?

As usual, submersing myself in some coconut cream suds last night, I realized that our great conclusion had already been made somewhere much greater. Enough of My Plan and living life by the book (as in all rule books other than THE rule book). 

What about His Plan?

There is an appointed time for everything,

and a time for every affair under the heavens.

A time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant and a time to uproot the plant.

A time to kill, and a time to heal; 

a time to tear down, and a time to build.

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;

a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.

A time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away.

A time to rend, and a time to sew;

a time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love, and a time to hate;

a time of war, and a time of peace.

He has made everything appropriate to its time, and has put the timeless into their hearts, without men's ever discovering, from beginning to end, the work which God has done. I recognized that there is nothing better than to be glad and to do well during life. For every man, moreover, to eat and drink and enjoy the fruit of all his labor is a gift of God. 

I recognized that whatever God does will endure forever; there is no adding to it, or taking away from it. Thus has God done that he may be revered.

What now is has already been, what is to be, already is; and God restores what would otherwise be displaced.

(Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8, 11-15)