a. Boy meets girl.
b. Boy either doesn't like girl or girl doesn't like boy or one of them is dying or one of them has a pregnant dog or something along those lines.
c. One day, magically, boy looks at girl. Girl looks at boy. And with the help of some fairy dust, they are immediately, completely and totally in love.
d. Boy and girl are in love for xx amount of time (or in the case of a Nicholas Sparks novel, xx number of pages).
e. Something tragic happens. Like totally tragic.
f. Either it magically fixes itself or life remains totally tragic. And if you drop your Nicholas Sparks book in the toilet before you hit the magical solution, life is completely and permanently tragic.
Blame it on the Lifetime network or my excess reading of Lurlene McDaniel books as an adolescent, but I've come to the conclusion that some form of media out there has messed with my mind, leading me to believe that it's only a matter of time before my relationship with Seth has booked me a ticket to Kleenex Town.
I mean come on now. The Notebook. Love Actually. The Family Stone. Pretty in Pink. Moulin Rouge. Dirty Dancing. Bridget Jones's Diary. My most favorite chick flicks of all time. Great love stories. Wonderful love stories. But not ride off into the sunset happily ever after stories. Something always completely and totally tragic happens.
Well maybe not always totally tragic. But tear-inducing enough.
I paid attention enough to my best friend's mom/one of my best English teachers ever in high school to know that for every story there is a conflict, climax and resolution. Enter the Nicholas Sparks Theorem.
I mean come on now. A relationship where everything is happy and wonderful? Nope. Mr. Sparks wouldn't let Seth and I off that easy. There has to be some drama. Some illness. Some accident. Some fight. The shoe has to drop somewhere!
(Perhaps I should've spent my Labor Day weekend doing something other than reading a Nicholas Sparks book).
Being the at times irrational and emotional one in the relationship, I brought my concern to the Southern Charmer, a.k.a. Voice of Reason, over lunch.
"It's too good to be true. I can't have my cake and eat it too!" I exclaimed from the Cousins Center parking lot.
Sensing his poor girlfriend had overdosed on Nicholas Sparks and marathons of 90210 and Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood while he was taking in some college football, Mr. Sensible opened his mouth and spoke.
"I don't know what you've been reading or watching-- Lifetime or Bravo or whatever they're calling it, but you need to quit that [redacted]."
My thoughts exactly. Thank goodness for straight men and their sensibility.
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